I faced another farewell, only few days before the end of the year
the one and only, grandma, you were the strongest yet heart-warming person

me and my family often mimicked the way you talk, dance, and even your faces and it always brought out laughter
but since today, I don’t know if that can be kept like how it used to be

Rest in peace

Mimi and I, 2005

I hope it’s just a nightmare in the middle of the night, but today was the day that I actually heard someone said “sorry for your loss” to me for the very first time in my life. I would never expect to hear that kind of phrase in real life, that should be heard from the crime drama series or something. Since I never experienced with such phrase in person, I was confused and didn’t know what to say but just smile back, forcibly. How stupid was I.

I decided not to keep the remains of Mimi. I never understood how people can hold onto the remains of the loved ones and able to pull themselves together. I would break into tears everytime I see it, and I figured my family would feel the same way, so I tell them I don’t want the remains. Of course I regretted my decision right after the nurse turned away and took Mimi with her from my car trunk.

I wasn’t a good owner. I feel really bad that she always thought of others when it was ok to be selfish. I feel terrible that this isn’t just part of my nightmare. I can only wish that Mimi can go to a better place and be in peace. 
I’m sorry, and I love you Mimi.

RIP Mimi 
April 16, 2011